My Redhead’s Superfluous Third Nipple

My redhead has beautiful breasts. I mean, as breasts go, they’re the Mona Lisa (if Mona Lisa had a twin sister.) You guys out there would say she had a “nice rack.” While I’m not offering free samples, having tried the goods I assure you they are of the highest quality.

But she wants them to be bigger. I guess that’s the fashion these days, and it’s really OK with me, but I don’t want anyone cutting on my beautiful book ends. So we compromised: She got those “chicken breast” looking silicone thingies to put in her bra. It makes her sweaters more delicious without anesthetic.

The other day we are walking through Wal-Mart grocery shopping. It was pretty busy that day and we had my oldest son and his girlfriend with us.

I wasn’t paying a lot of attention to her as she walked down the aisles in front of me. Then she turned to one side to pick something up and I noticed an odd lump on her stomach beneath her tee. For a minute I was puzzled. What was stuck beneath her shirt?

Then I looked a little closer. One of her breasts seemed oddly smaller. It still took me a second to realize what you already figured out: One of her fake boobs had slipped out of her bra and she now had a boob apparently growing from her stomach.

What’s worse, the tee she was wearing was shear enough to display not only the clear boob shape of the appliance, but also the molded nipple. She really looked as if she had a third boob.

I ran up next to her, put my arms around her, carefully cupping the pseudo-boob in my hand and whispered in her ear “Honey, you have a boob on your stomach.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Look down hon,” with that I curled my cupped hand outward to show her the awol sweater puppy.

I have seen my redhead in all sorts of situations, but I have never before seen her so embarrassed. We both began to giggle. Of course at this point junior and his girlfriend run up to see what the joke is.

My redhead hugs her stomach like a food poison victim and scurries off to find a nearby secluded aisle to slide her wayward exaggerator back into place.

We are still laughing. Well, most of us. My redhead still denies this ever happened.